Am I an evil?

I'm thinking about the fact that people look at me as I'm a kind of criminal. Maybe it's me who actually judge me and then it reflex in others. I don't have children, and yes it must ‘cause I have delayed that “fairytale” to “when I’m ready” It’s true I'm never been ready for it. It was because I never feel like it’s a goal in my life, and for the other way I'm not that soft and kind for children... And yes I have a dozen of excuse like this.

But I don't have the same feeling about it if I feel like I'm the one who decided it... But when the Mother Nature with her power in the form of two big “balls” in my ovaries, which are actually bigger than the ovaries... and the doctor say, "You have to get a surgery, but after that you maybe cannot get children" That is not what I expected ever, It's more ‘cause I always thought I have the control. But Do I have the control after all? I don't have the control; I don't have strength to think that things happen.

In the last couple years people are more and more insistent about (There are something wrong with you) When do you get children? or do you have children? After I answer with the obviously "not I don't" people look at me like "why?" that is the best ever can happen for a woman... But is it?